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Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

TOP TEN MUSICAL ACTS FOR 2013 ...PREDICTIONS

1. TANTRIC SIX(yeah i know there are five, can't be bothered to find another picture)

2.RHUBARB

3.PLEASURE PRINCIPLE

4.HYGIENE

5. SEX PEOPLE

6.THE THUMBS

7.BRONTE'S SISTERS LOVERS

8.HOBBY HORSE

9. MITIGATING CIRCUMSTANCES

EINSTEIN

Sunday, 9 December 2012

TOP TEN WORST CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR YOUR UNSUSPECTING LOVER 2012

1. A Belushi Aykroyd CD
 So let's get one thing straight, Jim Belushi is not Jon Belushi, and so this is not the Blues Brothers, it's the main saving grace of this record that they understand that. However the title can operate as a puzzle game. I've spent the last thirty minutes trying to work it out. "Have Love Will Travel" ???
 2. FOOTSPA
This isn't romantic, nothing to do with feet are, if you  passionately feel different to me at least don't buy this one, it's the first one that comes up on Amazon and the cheapest.
 3. TOOL BELT
This is a tool belt, it isn't lingerie

 4. COMPLILATION CD
Make her feel old by reminiscing to songs that didn't seem to be from such a long time ago
 5.Multipack Toilet Roll
I should have put the link up, this is a 5x9 pack, that's 45 rolls for £22, that's 48p a roll. That's a good deal, no disputing, and sure months down the line having not had to buy any toilet paper may be appreciated. But on the day imagine how large and soft this present would look and feel. I can't imagine the unveiling proving a positive result.
 6. THE EQUALITY ILLUSION
It's best she doesn't know

7. INFLATABLE SHEEP
Honestly why would you think this would be a good idea?
 8. DOOLEY'S
Dooley's doesn't taste  as classy as it looks

 9. Clothes
Men buying Ladies clothes is a bad idea. I mean just look at transvestites, they rarely dress well. This is a sexy angel dress from the fashion house Smiffy's. I'd avoid it.

10. The Bosch PSB 18 LI-2 Cordless 18 Volt Hammer Drill, 1 x Li-ion Battery  I've picked this tool as an example, but I would say almost anything from the Bosch brand would fail to illicit the correct levels of romance


Sunday, 18 November 2012

Friday, 9 November 2012

Monday, 29 October 2012

Friday, 26 October 2012

Monday, 8 October 2012

Thursday, 13 September 2012

Thursday, 6 September 2012

TOP TEN: BAD OPENING LINES WHEN IMPRESSING A LADY



1. YOU LOOK LIKE A GREEN OLIVE GIRL ...never presume

2. DO YOU HAVE A NECTAR CARD?...bit boring

3. CAN I BE YOUR FRIEND?...too needy

4. IS IT ME, OR IS IT TOO HOT IN HERE?...the emphasis on too is unneccessary, you don't want to look like you're there as Health and Safety

5. CAN I BUY YOU A SNACK TO GO WITH THAT DRINK?...nobody wants to be tempted into a snack at this stage

6. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?...stalker-ish

7. I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU...binocular stalker-ish

8.HAVE YOU EVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING OLD?...too heavy

9.IF YOU WERE A TAX FILE, I'D APPLY FOR ACCOUNTANCY LESSONS...don't imagine her as a tax, pick something more sexy like a pole

10. DO YOU WANT TO COME TO MY PLACE? WE HAVE TOILET PAPER!...it should be a given that as an adult this will be fully stocked in your house

BAD DREAM

(major dream fail)

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Monday, 3 September 2012

Friday, 31 August 2012

TOP TEN WORST BAND NAMES: PRIMAVERA 2013

NUT CLUSTER
TREATZ
ANTIOXIDANT

THE F.B.I

SHOEHORN
THE FACILLITATORS

BLIND SPOT

M.D.F

TEATIME

MUFTI DAY