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1.
Ribena tastes best coming out of a straw
2.
Being ridiculously enthusiastic around shop
assistant’s is quite good fun.
3.
The world doesn’t owe you anything
4.
Tree’s don’t get enough good pr
5.
In someone’s eyes you are always a child (mum)
6.
Always be nice to your mum
7.
Not saying what you think is not the same as being
honest
8.
Listening to music in supermarkets can be incredibly
emotive
9.
If you fart more than 40 times in a day you should see
a Doctor
10.You can’t escape yourself
11.If someone asks “How are you?” say
“Fine, how are you?”
12.Nightmares are the dreams that come
true
13.Hippies are greedy
14.Drink lots of water
15.Always make more than enough cheese
sauce
16.Don’t presume you’re not good enough
17.Drawing with blue pencil makes your
work look at least 25% more professional
18.Take a complilent
19.You can’t do anything about the past
20.You can’t plan for the future
21.Look at what is in front of you
22.Losing is learning
23.McDonald’s is ok as part of a balanced
diet
24.Facebook likes mean nothing
25.Facebook likes can mean everything
26.Macerator toilets can be dangerous
27.You really never know what is around
the corner
28.Comedy is self defence for the passive
aggressive
29.It’s really time to buy a Hoover
30.Cooper Black is the font equivalent of
canned laughter
31.Canned laughter is good company
32.Always wait for the green man
33.Not a literal green man
34.Never hang up the phone
35.At the checkout ailse always leave
loose vegetables till the end as it buys you time to bag up
36.Prog rock is played by middle class
people who have too much time on their hands, and listened to by middle class
people with too much time on their hands
37.95% of falling in love is bullshit
38. Work hard in our own corner of the
world and you will find your place.
39.The good karma in helping people is
helping people
40.Tumblr is confusing
41.Painting will never die
42.if you dream you are masturbating that
can’t be good
43.don’t say everything you think
44.Forget #42
45.If there is a joke to make, make it,
regardless of if people think you had a dream about masturbating, they will
ultimately respect you.
46.I’m right about everything
47.I don’t actually do what I think
48.Do your best to look as stupid as
possible
49.Lot’s of amazing writers end up killing
themselves, which means the work is never enough, so why not become a bouncy
castle operator
50.It’s all about the work
51.Not everything has to mean something
52.Reese’s Nutrageous is an amazing
Chocolate bar
53.Imagine if everything was curved,
things would be much safer
54.You should only be allowed to hold an
umbrella if you’re over 6 ft 2
55.The Embarrasing Bodies adverts are
really annoying and make me hate Channel 4. I don’t want to watch the shitty
show and so I don’t want the gross things sprung up on me.
56.Soundcheck is so much worse than
actually playing the gig.
57.Say yes to everything then work out how
to do it.
58.Treat children and adults exactly the
same
59.Don’t get in a car if a child is
driving
60.Getting postcards is cool
61.Your children will stop holding your
hand
62.That’s probably for the best
63.There is no possible way for a man to
look good dancing in a nightclub
64.If you’re good at drinking it’s almost
impossible to get drunk enough to dance, so you may as well do it sober and
really concentrate on your limbs
65.There’s nothing more liberating than
realising nobody gives a shit about what you’re doing
66.Don’t be too much of an open book,
people want mystery and to find things out for themselves, a cellophane wrapped
book is far more appealing.
67.Don’t keep 3-D glasses from the cinema
68.If you do use them as sunglasses in the
summer, that would be pretty cool
69.V neck sweaters are a no
70.Always carry a pen
71.Don’t think so much
72.The best singing advice I got was
“Don’t Sing”
73.Being in a band is 95% Bullshit
74.It’s always the other 5% that you need
